tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post99061282545207441..comments2012-02-05T18:49:22.306-05:00Jennifer Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04593797320592103928noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-12709911486474719212011-11-29T16:29:17.434-05:002011-11-29T16:29:17.434-05:00My Wife had an emotional affair for 18 months through SMS. She finally met him and connected with over a weekend away, so she told me. <br />After I found this out, we went straight to conselling because we wanted the marriage to work! We have 3 kids and married for 20 years. In the first conselling session she told the consellor that she keeps thinking about the other man! And I thought we were Going there to make our marriage work! The session ended and when we got home she told me she loved me, but was not in love with me. This was the most heartbreaking thing that I have ever heard in my life. This consellor told her to write me a letter of appreciation and told her she was living a lie staying with me! I could not understand this and told my wife she is living in some sort off fantasy world! We have since changed consellor and trying to work this out! But deep down I think she is only doing it for the kids! We have very little communication at the moment as she will not show her feelings. We are in a very bad moment at this time as I do not know how to make this work!! I keep having flashbacks off the 2 off them together! It now has been six weeks and the pain is still as bad and maybe getting worse. This person is off the scene now, but it does not seem to be helping us! Does it get better? Does the pain lessen? I cannot see it happenig at this moment in time. I love her so much and she is not in love with me! What is &#39;in love&#39; after 20 years off marriage?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-8935364732222683842011-09-29T22:14:53.039-05:002011-09-29T22:14:53.039-05:00I hear people saying all the time that the initial excitement at the beginning of a relationship always calms down. I&#39;v been in relationships like that, but the thing is if I&#39;v truely felt those things in the beginning, if it wasn&#39;t just a fantasy, a physical &#39;thing&#39;, it never stops 4 me, on my part i mean. <br />Maybe there&#39;s something wrong with me?<br />I&#39;v been with my current partner for 2 years now. We have 2 children together, 4 children counting my own 2. We&#39;v had our share of problems but still love eachother deeply though we are lost as to how to show it . Intimacy seemed to go out the window early on because I had so many issues that i thrust on him and got pregnant unexpectedly. I&#39;v tried over and over to bring him back. I believe he has never even looked at another woman. He doesn&#39;t even pleasure himself because he can normally only fantasise about the one he loves. I think that he&#39;s been depressed and may have some physical issue that has lowered his drive, i don&#39;t know. We had matching sexdrives in the beginning and slowly because of my issues i&#39;v simply scared him off i guess. But the thing is, after all this - the fights the feelings of being unattractive because he doesn&#39;t touch me, the lonliness, the anger etc - i still feel that same attraction I felt for him the first night we made love. He drives me wild, though i know not how to express it, i want to touch and be touched all the time as if it were a teenage romance though I know it&#39;s not possible, life being what it is. I still have those feelings. When we walk down the street i still desperately want to hold his hand and giggle like a school girl, but i don&#39;t cos i know he doesn&#39;t feel the same. Babies are crying and I&#39;m changing pooey nappies I can still look over at him and feel tremendously attracted and gooey inside, like i want to run off into the bushes with him and make love all afternoon. I know that I&#39;ll always feel this way about him no matter what happens, even when I&#39;m an old, old lady. For me it never dies...I just wish he felt the same again, wish it could be anything more than a fantasy.I feel as though I&#39;v ruined the best thing that could have happened with another human being in my life,other than my children. And it&#39;s partly because I resent the fact that it did calm down for him. He says he still has passion 4 me but if I can&#39;t see or feel it from him, is it still there? I&#39;v lived my life by my intuition but am totally lost on this one. Can I live my life holding back the fullness of my passion or on the other hand expressing it only to feel rejection time and again or not quite getting back what i give. I know that he has the capacity to feel these things but it seems i&#39;ve turned him into some other man cos of my own insecurities, and i&#39;v become some woman i&#39;m not really because i feel so distant from him. To me passion is an integral part of love. Passion is passion. The same passion i have when i think of making love with him is the same passion i feel when i put my baby to my breast or see my son in need of something or remember how my grandmother supported me as a child. I want it all deeply, i&#39;m always with the memory of these things. I don&#39;t live in the past but these things stay vivid with me. I do feel though that in our relationship i find myself going over and over old things, that i can&#39;t let go sometimes because i want him to justify why he can&#39;t just come and touch me if i&#39;m the same woman and he feels the same. Why do we have to start at scratch and work on the emotions etc before feeling physically back together? I think this is genuinely how he needs to work it out and should respect that but something stops me from letting this happen, some fear of letting go.I know there&#39;s something I&#39;m not understanding here. Is there something wrong with me that i feel we should just be able to make love again.<br />I&#39;M SO LOST!!!mamadellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206932083467226179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-52536907362272763252011-09-27T02:45:30.428-05:002011-09-27T02:45:30.428-05:00I&#39;ve been married for 20yrs have 3 children. Found out my husband was having an emotional affair with the love of his life (from his teen yrs). He has changed so much for the past year to the point that I don&#39;t feel loved anymore!!! We starting marriage counseling tomorrow for this will be my only hope and last choice to save our marriage!!!Divinetimenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-23734193746678494972011-09-07T17:39:10.516-05:002011-09-07T17:39:10.516-05:00I was very pleased to find this website. I wanted to thanks for your time for this wonderful read. I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it.buy Valium onlinehttp://www.mycarepharmacy.com/buy_online/diazepam/valium_rochenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-11275987751683915932011-08-22T10:29:51.963-05:002011-08-22T10:29:51.963-05:00My husband told me when I was 36wks pregnant with number 2 (daughter is 2 and a half)that he didn&#39;t think that he was in love with me, but blamed me as I pushed it out of him as I could see he was miserable. Baby is now 13 weeks and after a week away a few weeks after the baby, he came back and we have been working on it. Things have escalated though as I could see no effort coming from him and it was me doing everything. Huge row and I packed his bags although didn&#39;t end up going. We have agreed on a temporary situation so he can get his head straight. Says that the family unit is what he wants and he is doing this for the good of us now to try ad help the situation. We have just had a nice week away so I&#39;m hoping that he will miss me as well as the kids. We have a few things like weddings over the next month which we will be going to and hopefully we will have fun and he will realise what he has. Not usre what I want now......just to be happy I guess. He has put me through the most horrendous time and I&#39;m not sure I can forgive and forget. I&#39;m not that affectionate and he is and he says that he thought he was ok with it but that it has just worn him down. When he left yesterday we had a loevely hug where he said that this was not what he wanted. It&#39;s taken me to shock him like this to make him realise he hasn&#39;t been working at this. His last words to me were that he was worried that I wouldn&#39;t want him back at the end of this which I think is a fair point, but does it show that he still really cares about me?? I really don&#39;t know but I guess I need to take the next month or so to figure it out. What do you think?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-29796593297206808382011-07-01T11:18:07.883-05:002011-07-01T11:18:07.883-05:00Once u start on this path u can NEVER go bk!!! I wish sum1 had told me b4 I started out. <br />I can&#39;t tell u how many times I lay in bed crying, begging 4 my creator to let me go out, <br />but to no avail. Not only can we not go bk but we r pushed 4ward into a worldview that is <br />so different from what u want!breathlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09752400869456087867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-2224934673157450422011-01-26T23:27:23.501-05:002011-01-26T23:27:23.501-05:00My husband after 10 years of marriage told me he no longer loves me. I was completely thrown off guard. My heart was crushed. Every thing i believed I thought I believed in about love was destroyed in 1 day. I thought we had a good marriage we did not fight too often.. I am so confused. We also have two kids age 5 and 7. He said he is willing to do counseling but for the kids not for me. It hurts that he only wants to work on the marriage for the kids and not for us. I guess I should be happy he does want to seek counseling for what ever reason. I try very hard to give him his space. But how do you give someone space when you see them every day in caring for our kids. <br />It also makes me think if we do get through this.. is he going to fall out of love again? And what if the kids are gone then.. then he will have no reason to work on the marriage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-38554970199592341562010-12-13T09:23:52.640-05:002010-12-13T09:23:52.640-05:00good post, nothing wrong with just goodSildenafilhttp://www.saferxtab.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-77476610257442306842009-09-24T04:50:20.300-05:002009-09-24T04:50:20.300-05:00I realise this is quite a late reply, but I&#39;m in this situation at the moment - and am the one who has been told they&#39;re no longer loved.<br /><br />I also do realise that the best thing I can do for it is leave him to think things over, and bring myself to accept either possibility, but I still have a lot of hope for us as a couple.<br /><br />The problem is, we don&#39;t have a lot of space to give one another. We live together, and although we&#39;re now sleeping in different rooms, we have meals together, we see each other every day, we spend lots of time together - and I&#39;m afraid that with the closeness we have, he&#39;s not really going to see that he misses me, because he has all the practical part of a relationship without any of the emotional stress, and although he misses the physical side - I can&#39;t just give him the emotional support and friendship he needs without wanting something emotional back from him. It feels like he&#39;s taken away the loving part of the relationship but is asking if I can still give him all the parts that he doesn&#39;t find stressful, which is leaving me quite broken.<br /><br />It&#39;s difficult for me to have him hold me close because he needs comforting, or just somebody to hug for a while - when I love him, and he doesn&#39;t feel anything. It&#39;s like torture, but I don&#39;t want to let go of the only closeness he&#39;s willing to give to me. <br /><br />I know what I should do, but I don&#39;t want to.<br /><br />And I think that&#39;s the same situation he&#39;s in. He&#39;s told me he&#39;s willing to go to counselling, because he thinks it&#39;s something he ought to do after a 2 year relationship - but hasn&#39;t yet said that it&#39;s because he wants to.<br /><br />I&#39;ve done my fair share of begging for answers, and asking him to come back and try to fix the problems we have, and I know that what I have to do now is offer him the space to think about things on his own, and fulfill my own life without worrying about how our relationship will end up. But it&#39;s hard when he&#39;s still such a substantial part of my life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-87567337923958296092009-03-15T13:57:00.000-05:002009-03-15T13:57:00.000-05:00After years of living in a loveless relationship, I found myself in the unfortunate situation where I had to deal with a cheating husband. <BR/><BR/>Though it was the toughest thing I've ever had to endure, I now look back and realize that it was the best thing that could have happened. My only regret is that I wasted so many years trying to make it work.<BR/><BR/>Sometimes we can be so blinded by love that we ignore the cold, hard facts. <BR/><BR/>J RobertsSurvived Cheatinghttp://mymanischeating.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-8985307500025331682009-02-05T16:45:00.000-05:002009-02-05T16:45:00.000-05:00Hi Anonymous,<BR/><BR/>Ahhh I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Relationships are not easy and most marriages go through some difficult times along the way.<BR/><BR/>Yes, I do think there is hope. I truly believe most marriages can succeed if both partners are willing to do the work.<BR/><BR/>The good news is you are doing what you can to make your marriage work. Good job. You are doing your part. That is all you can do. <BR/><BR/>Your husband will have to decide if he is willing to do his part as well, which means devoting his life to your family and your marriage.<BR/><BR/>Obviously, I can't answer that but I believe if he will honor the vows he took when you got married, (the ones about sickness and health, in good times and in bad... smile), he will find that you two can heal from this challenge, and even grow stronger.<BR/><BR/>I want to address this more and will do so in a post hopefully in the next week... I think your question is one many have.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing your situation.. I wish you the best of luck! Keep up the good work OK?<BR/><BR/>Keep me posted?<BR/><BR/>Big hugs,<BR/><BR/>JenniferJennifer Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04593797320592103928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-40444082087288103912009-02-05T12:04:00.000-05:002009-02-05T12:04:00.000-05:00I am going through this right now. My husband says he loves me but not in love with me. He has moved out for right now to give us space to miss me. He stopped by last night and said that he has missed me and loves me. I have stopped begging him to come back and asking questions about when he may come back or if things are going to work out. Having hope is what gets me through. We have been married for almost 11 years and have two kids. I feel we have a lot to save here. He is hurt inside because I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years and was suppose to do a couple of online things (school wise) to be able to go back to work. I didn't complete these and the house was somewhat cluttered as well. Over the years he asked me to change, but it has got to the point he couldn't let it go any longer. The house is now spotless and I am looking for a job. He just keeps saying time will tell and wants to take baby steps. It is so hard to do this but I know he needs space to heal from the hurt in his heart. He says that I have killed the love in his heart and he wants that back. Physically there is no problem and never has been. He is just struggling with the emotional part of the love. Is there hope in this situation??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-21539078218858382532009-01-08T12:13:00.000-05:002009-01-08T12:13:00.000-05:00Hi The Other Woman,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your thoughts! :-)<BR/><BR/>You are so right... there are most definitely times when a divorce is appropriate. No question about this!<BR/><BR/>And, any time a relationship is dangerous or abusive my advice is to do whatever one must to be safe and keep children safe.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for reminding us all about this.<BR/><BR/>Also, your point that it takes two people to make a relationship work is valid!<BR/><BR/>I totally agree.<BR/><BR/>While I do believe most relationships can work IF both partners do the work, it is also true that one person alone can't make a relationship whole.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your insights,<BR/><BR/>JenniferJennifer Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04593797320592103928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-66638647139449836402009-01-08T12:10:00.000-05:002009-01-08T12:10:00.000-05:00I'm trying to catch up on responding to comments...<BR/><BR/>Thank you for those excellent insights and words of wisdom.<BR/><BR/>I think my readers gain more from the comments than from reading anything I write!<BR/><BR/>Lots of love and gratitude,<BR/><BR/>JenniferJennifer Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04593797320592103928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-78186229064793366972009-01-07T17:53:00.000-05:002009-01-07T17:53:00.000-05:00Counseling can be effective, yes. There are situations where one spouse needs to get out and no amount of counseling will change the situation (in cases of domestic abuse, for example), so I don't think there's a simple answer to this issue.<BR/><BR/>If only one partner is willing to work on the relationship, then the other needs to decide what works for him or her. In my case, I am happily divorced. It was the best thing I could have done for myself at the time. This is not to say that we didn't try to save our marriage: we did, by counseling over a period of years.The Other Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09225100810441568995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-19580179487506170352008-11-09T21:02:00.000-05:002008-11-09T21:02:00.000-05:00This is information is consistent with my what my counselor told me. I have been married over 20 years and my spouse said, "I love you but not in love with you..." We essentially live as bother and sister, I also think they have found intimacy in others. It hurts and I feel i caused it because i have let me weight get out of control despite my spouse's urgings (later demands) to get control, I could not. Thus i have created hurt in our relationship and there is no intimacy. "if you love me, you would not ignore my wishes for you to change. That caused them hurt and they have build walls ” My counselor said that in the end, I may not be all that my spouse wants me to be but I must change me for me alone and to be the best that i can be and let the chips fall where they may. I cannot control my spouse, i can only control me!!! I am working hard every day so that I can heal me first and to rebuild my own self. If my spouse gets to share in the benefits of my success, then great, if not, they I have to be prepared to move forward because, as much as I want to reverse their decision, I have zero control over their feelings (love for me, etc) I can only control ME!!!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-84529814826221116392008-09-30T08:19:00.000-05:002008-09-30T08:19:00.000-05:00This really give so much hopeDisney ticketshttp://www.officialticketcenter.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-33108422216241076842008-09-30T03:15:00.000-05:002008-09-30T03:15:00.000-05:00Great topic - here's the answer I write about and teach: When your man is pulling away, drifting away, or turning into a "friend" - you must pull yourself back and away from "working" for the relationship, or "trying" to get the spark back. <BR/><BR/>Instead - you have to fall in love with yourself. You have to find parts of yourself you've ignored or stuffed down and love them hard. You have to re-discover every inch of your body and love every inch of you hard, sweetly, and with passion.<BR/><BR/>You have to find something out in this world (arts and crafts and hobbies at home don't count - it has to be outside with people and other men around...)- something that has NOTHING to do with him that's important and meaningful to you - and where you feel good being.<BR/><BR/>When you've got that going, and you can let go enough of the anger you feel to be warm when he all of a sudden wants to show up (and he will)- things will shift.<BR/><BR/>I hope you'll comment back on my blog so we can keep this dialogue going...Sincerely, RoriRori Rayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05654059165566435402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240135571858542479.post-10229499882553165512008-09-30T02:41:00.000-05:002008-09-30T02:41:00.000-05:00This just gave me so much hope.<BR/>Right now, my calls aren't being taken by my girlfriend. She says she's no longer in love with me. I refuse to accept that after all we've shared. I wish I could get her to read this. It convinced me not to give up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com