Comments on The Art of Intimacy: Why Women Need Attention

After reading this... well I need attention.. some...

2011-10-28T09:30:52.153-05:00

After reading this... well I need attention.. sometimes iam down on myself..i will admit but i feel like if someone likes you they should show you attention and make them feel they are wanted. There's nothing wrong with that. If they cant handle showing attention to someone they like, they have issues them selfs. ofcourse when i say attention i dont mean money, mean a text message..like thinking about you.. etc. maybe little notes left etc.. just things that make her feel they are special to you. many guys cant do it and feel overcome and leave the girl.. and blame them for being to needy.. Time to realize what its all about..

women get tons of attention everywhere they go. I ...

2011-09-17T05:39:30.496-05:00

women get tons of attention everywhere they go. I want attention - it's not fair.

I agree with Dias. My own two cents: Love is not ...

2011-08-10T18:03:18.220-05:00

I agree with Dias.
My own two cents:
Love is not a feeling, but it's a choice.
Brendan, she's your wife. Make the choice to pay attention to your wife. Don't just following your feelings. You're not an animal. You're a man. You were given a will. Don't make the choice of following your feelings, thinking your an animal.
Love is a choice. Not a chemical response.

while this artcle is basically correct overall, it...

2011-04-15T00:54:50.180-05:00

while this artcle is basically correct overall, it is still a question of interest between people....those women who actually have something to offer, tend to work much less than the desperate women who don't. This society contnues to pacify males into accepting whatever a woman does is acceptable, in trying to find a mate, but males are getting smarter, and ultimetly will end up with a better woman....IMO

There must be a way to get past the initial phases...

2011-03-20T13:37:06.429-05:00

There must be a way to get past the initial phases of a relationship where you have to let a woman earn your attention and earn her trust legitimately alon the way ... then come out the other side down the road and be able to balance giving and recieving in a way that is satisfying to both people. It seems like this whole idea of setteling down is another word for stagnation.

I find that one reason that I don't pay attention to my wife is because of my own boredom of the repetitions of "married life".

Life is supposed to be full of mystery and intrigue. Changes and ebbs and flows. Repition really makes for resentment - like if you can guess exactly what someone is going to do or say you instantly tune it out - thus ignoring them ~ And this had a major impact on the flow of giving attention, and causes an extreme negative reaction from a woman you're in a relationship with. Seems like women want attention - quality, undistracted posotive attention ... and men want sex.

Still not sure what the answer is to this, I suppose Paul McCartny had it best with his the love you make is equal to the love you take theory.

The only post that really answers the question of,...

2011-02-27T13:28:35.976-05:00

The only post that really answers the question of, "Why women need so much attention" completely, explains the entire problem. They have low self-esteem and need someone to legitimize there self worth. A person (male or female) of this caliber is one in whom to run from, no one can consistently make you feel any particular one way; whether it be a good feeling or bad. We all need to take responsibility for our emotional roller coaster type lives. Bottom line GROW UP, NO ONE EVER SAID RELATIONSHIPS WERE EASY AND IN CLOSING YES I AM A MAN!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

2011-02-27T13:23:30.939-05:00

This comment has been removed by the author.

I cant stand women who constantly want attention. ...

2011-02-09T11:07:52.573-05:00

I cant stand women who constantly want attention. It is why many women are hated.

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God forbid that the word love come into the conver...

2010-10-31T15:10:08.349-05:00

God forbid that the word love come into the conversation. I'm aware that it's a chemical reaction, but its not like men and women are immune to that particular fact. I have seen and heard as much men as I have women complain/cry/heartbroken by the person they love. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not so much. Sometimes couples suit, other times we are left questioning how the hell they work as a couple. Evolution may have brought us to this. But in the end it was out development of a consciousness that demands out need for attention. Females need it because they are generally raised with the belief of true love conquering all and that usually only happens to the pretty girls. Barbie for example or any of the Disney Princesses? And men are raised to believe that its okay to sleep around and be a he-man, but when you find love you are to give them ALL of yourself. EG any superhero or action man

The media in both cases does not help these stereo types because in the end, daddy didn't love you enough and you will constantly seek attention from distant self important types. Or you were so in love with your mother you need to find her in every woman at the bar.
Oedipus or Electra. Take your pick for one night stands and work with it.

Its when you've found self worth on your own and not through others that one can begin to love.

I'm a woman and what I can see is that we fall...

2010-08-10T17:35:06.843-05:00

I'm a woman and what I can see is that we fall for the people that seem to have a life and are spontaneous, but once we can't stop thinking about these people, we want all the attention from that person, and when that person gives some attention we want more and begin to imagine our life with them, then when they don't give the attention we want we suppose we don't matter and are not important, causing conflict in the relationship. Then when we get all clingy and attached, the dude treats us like a no body. Life sucks. :(

How did I guess as I was reading this post that it...

2010-08-05T02:10:23.019-05:00

How did I guess as I was reading this post that it was written by a female? I am sorry my dear but you are very wrong with your explanation. Women who need attention are immature, needy, low self esteemed humans... not all women are like this! Telling men to submit to a woman's desire of attention is worst answer someone can give. A matter of fact, men should NOT tolerate this kind of behavior and actually do the complete opposite. A man should not have to cave in and supply attention because the his wife/gf doesn't know how to handler her hormones and allow them to dress sexually and flirt with whom ever they please. Coming from a man's point of view, it's very attractive if we find a female who is confident in herself.

man what women want is to want ., they always want...

2010-04-04T23:36:26.815-05:00

man what women want is to want ., they always want more never happy with what they have . as soon as things become settled they stir u p alot of junk just to fight with you and cause you grief. women are trouble. they live and die for themselves . always selfious and inconciderate of other peoples issues only caring for there own. they wish to mold there men and treat them like puppets . if there man is stressed out and over tired they dont care,,mans a man now go paint that garage . go scrub that car go mow that lawn.Give me money to go shop who gives a f about you your a man . and heaven forbid i allow u to touch me. thats women for you

I like your answer and it definitely makes sense. ...

2009-05-22T17:20:49.026-05:00

I like your answer and it definitely makes sense. As I was sitting here I also thought of one other potential explanation.

I think the attraction a woman feels to a man that is not paying that much attention to her may be rooted in a conflicting evolutionary progression. While a woman's mating rituals are definitely designed to attract a mate that will stay with her, there is a conflicting evolutionary "urge" to get the best genes for her children. The best genes no doubt will be found in those men that are pursued by the most women (George Clooney comes to mind...most women would sleep with him even if they knew he would be gone the next day).

This presents an interesting evolutionary conflict - on the one hand a woman needs a man to stay with her so that her kids will have a better chance of survival, on the other hand if they get weak genes it doesn't really matter how much protection they have they will still die off. (weak genes =sickly, short and skinny men..would you sleep with Danny Devito even if he paid a lot of attention to you?)

So how do women cope with this conflict? One theory is that back in the day women would mate with the stronger men, and then find a weaker man to be their "partner."

You can see this conflict playing out in the modern day world as well, as was indicated by my initial question - it also drives women crazy because for the most part the men they are most attracted to are the ones least likely to want to be with only them!

Anyways this has been an interesting distraction from work...take care!

Hi Solomon, Great question! Thanks for asking! ...

2009-05-22T16:40:34.106-05:00

Hi Solomon,

Great question! Thanks for asking!

OK, here is my guess! (smile)

If a guy was "too" into a woman in the very intitial stage of interaction, it could (subconsciously) indicate that a guy might be the type who is out to mate with every available female; IOW, a guy who is not interested in a long term relationship but just needing a quick fix! ;-) For some women who are desiring an invested relationship, an extremely demonstrative and attentive man (again in the very early stage of interaction) could be a red flag.

OTOH, there may be something in our DNA that tells (some) women that a guy who is not going to be with any woman who comes along, would be a better long term partner and may invest more in her and her offspring!

It is all quite fascinating no?

The mating rituals of our species are sort of funny when we step back and observe them! :-)

Thanks again for asking Solomon!

Warmest wishes to you,

Jen

Note to the Author: I am wondering, if your theory...

2009-05-22T13:47:16.928-05:00

Note to the Author: I am wondering, if your theory is correct, if you could explain why women are generally attracted, at least initially, to guys that play "hard to get" or guys that are "bad boys" etc. I have noticed in my experience of 25 years (don't laugh) that in the initial stages of dating the more I play hard to get and NOT pay attention to the person, the more success I have with women. Of course, your theory of "needing attention" during the later stages of a relationship are definitely true. The question is, then, if it is evolutionary, why wouldn't women be INITIALLY attracted to men that pay them more attention? I am very curious as to your response. Email me: krotzersol@gmail.com

Hi Amy,

Thanks for your comments.

Wh...

2009-02-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

Hi Amy,

Thanks for your comments.

While of course we don't have DVDs of everything that occurred throughout human history, we do have some amazing research.

We have extensive studies of virtually every known human society in the world, studies of numerous indiginous peoples, studies of other species (many birds and our closest relatives, African chimps and bonobos) with similar mating patterns and strategies, and extensive research from anthropologists on various sexual strategies throughout human prehistory and history.

No we don't have absolute proof of much in the past but we do have a good working understanding of evolution and human sexual strategies.

Warm regards,

Jennifer

Are you serious? This is PURE speculation - there...

2009-02-02T04:20:00.000-05:00

Are you serious? This is PURE speculation - there is no proof this is how men & women interacted at any point in history.

This was a powerful message, I like the simplicity...

2009-01-20T21:53:00.000-05:00

This was a powerful message, I like the simplicity of it.
I think modern culture wouldn't apply to early humans though, culture moves at an extremely higher pace than physical evolution, and the ideas of courtship, love, and especially monogamy simply don't apply to humans of primal cultures.

Having many partners is just as beneficial to a creature's survival, just in different ways.

I really enjoy your blog, so I created a link to y...

2008-10-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

I really enjoy your blog, so I created a link to your blog on mine. Hope you not mind it.

Hi Nahualt... Thank you for this. You are sooooo...

2007-01-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

Hi Nahualt...

Thank you for this. You are sooooo right! Yes, evolution has brought us something more than just reproduction. We want love, meaning, purpose, happiness. Relationships are more than just a means for the continuation of our DNA.

I have never thought about the idea that it may not be the best for everyone to display the traits of caring and loving. You are right that they are identifying traits. Perhaps the foundational idea is that we can all move to be more loving and caring. Then the traits would be genuine.

Very interesting thoughts... thank you for expanding my mind!

jennifer

With evolution, the demands have gone higher. And ...

2007-01-10T06:20:00.000-05:00

With evolution, the demands have gone higher. And an easy submission is also taken as negative sign in this century.
Improving a relationship has taken a deeper meaning than just sticking around and caring. Basic instincts are still same, though.

Rather than fight women's instintive need for attention, why not submit to it.
This fight is a filter between who truly care and those who are being casual. It's for good. Not everyone should be expected to show perfect traits of caring and loving person, otherwise it will make identification of good vs bad much tougher.