Comments on The Art of Intimacy: Falling Out of Love

I am currently in a relationship and have been wit...

2012-01-31T16:10:44.529-05:00

I am currently in a relationship and have been with him for 3 years. I am now 15 weeks pregnant so I'm not sure if I cold just be going through pregnancy hormones. To start, the first year was great. This is also the longest relationship I've ever had and I'm 24. I've always had trust issues. Just because of men in m life growing up and also past relationships. He also had trust issues coming in as well. The 2nd year is when it hit a turn. Last year in March, my boyfriend sent a group picture message in his phone and since it's a group message, anyone who replies to it everyone will receive it. So I replied to the message and received a message back from a girl asking who I was and I told her. To make a long story short, she basically told me that him and her were seeing eachother and that she had been in my house. Well we ended up breaking up after this. From March until June I fought my hardest to get him back but he didn't want to. We still messed around and was seeing eachother. He lied and told me he wasn't seeing anyone but he was. I found out a lot in May of 2011 and was so tired of feeling hurt. I tried to commit suicide by overdosing. Mind you my uncle committed suicide by shooting himself in May 2010. So this was a lot for my family. I was just so hurt. After I got out of the hospital, we kind of started to talk again and I found out even more things. I was at his grandmothers house 1 day and he showed up with another girl and her son. He treated me like I meant nothing but to this day he claims nothing went on between them. I was finally moving on in July 2011 and dating other people. He came back in August and we got back together in September and I became pregnant. Since then I have had a run in with another female who claim in December he took her out for her birthday and they were seeing eachother. I also saw a few facebook messages of his that had me in tears. I don't like to be intimate with him anymore. At first I thought it was the pregnancy but it hasn't gotten better. I really feel like I'm falling out of love with him. I'm starting to think about someone that I started talking to in July a lot. I'm not a cheater and I hate feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to make this better? Especially since now I'm having his child? I know this is very long. Thanks to anyone who reads this and gives any advice.

To my dear blogger who's having mixed emotions...

2012-01-24T16:50:41.484-05:00

To my dear blogger who's having mixed emotions with her boyfriend. Love is a verb, not a feeling. If you choose to Love, the feeling will come with it.

Just needed to add to the comment above that my be...

2012-01-22T13:09:31.816-05:00

Just needed to add to the comment above that my best friend has lost her mum to suicide very recently. This has deeply affected me. Could this be affecting my relationship and making me fear the future?

Hi. I really need some help. I a completely heartb...

2012-01-22T13:06:39.307-05:00

Hi. I really need some help. I a completely heartbroken. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling like ive fallen out of love with my amazing boyfriend of one year. He is kind, patient, caring, loving, sweet, thoughtful, funny... everything you could want. I love being with him. We have so much fun. But at the same time, for some reason I have been having a feeling that I dont know if I could spend the rest of my life with him. Sometimes when im with him I feel sad for no reason. I am at university, he has a job. I want to travel, he is happy to travel with me because he loves me and he says it makes him happy to see me happy, but would prefer a holiday which is more relaxing. I feel like my heart is absolutely being ripped apart, I dont know why I am having these feelings, or what they mean. As we have been together a year, we both appreciate the fact and realise that we are moving out of the 'exciting' bit of a relationship, the part when you cant stop talking to each other and seeing each other. We are more comfortable together now and it feels as though a different sort of love has grown, he is very happy with that and so am I. I think this new love which has developed is more meaningful. Can anyone help me? Am I falling out of love or are we just going through the phrase where the 'excitement' has gone so to speak? I just want to love him and be with him. Thank you

Hi, this will be my first time ever posting my lif...

2012-01-07T02:18:03.444-05:00

Hi, this will be my first time ever posting my life story on internet but after seeing how you reply to some of the story I would like for you to give me an advice as well.
Ok, so I met my fiance over 2 years ago and even though we're 15 years apart and does long distance relationship we manage to connect very well. We fall in love and we got engaged. Not long after that he postponed the wedding because he claimed he have money issue and that he needs some more time. I was deeply hurt but i hide it. Then when we were about to have a wedding the second time in the summer of 2011, he postponed it again this time stating that he wanted a wedding after 2012. I was so lost and hurt and thought that he doesnt love me anymore but he assured me he loves me deeply and he still wants to get married after 2012.I didnt know what I would do, I really love him and wants to be with him. Then after the summer I got preganant. He was stress out over it and I was too. I felt like he didnt want the baby because he never say anything about keeping the baby or even offer to come stay with me while i was pregnant. I was preganant 2 months and got a misscarriage. I was sad, and angry. I was asking myself why would a man who claims he loves me unconditionally would let me suffer working for 2 months and leads me to lose my baby. After I got a misscarriage I got pregnant again. He acted the same way this time. He didnt give me his opinion on what he wanted to do nor does he offer to help. All he says was he will be there for me when I give birth. I felt like knives stabbing me when he says that. My finance didnt want the baby but he didnt want to say it directly. I was around 3 months 1/2 when i got an abortion. This was due to my medical issues. I was mentally ready for the baby but not physically. After my recent abortion I realized he doesnt love me like he say. I begin to feel angry and sad all the time. I was hurt deeply. But he is still here to tell me he loves and cares for me. Im so connfused and dont know what to do. Now I feel like i want to let him go. I really love him, love him so much, love him enough to want to let him go. I want to let him go so bad but I cant. Please advise me what should I do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years ...

2011-11-14T21:18:28.299-05:00

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and there is 12 years age diff. between us, most people don't know until they findout that he is a 31 y.o. grandpa my daughter is 20 and just had a baby. We live together with my 2 kids and we get his daugher alot. We are a true family. We have always been best friends and we never ever fight. He is always telling me how much he loves me and how he is in love wth me but latley he has been pulling away and I thought maybe there was someone else but he swares there is not and I really do know he is being honest because we are so close I know if he is lying and he is not. The other day out of nowhere he told me that he was no longer in love with me and that he was no longer attricted to me and there is no way that it will work out nor does he want to try and make it work. He is he sweetest man ever so to hear him say this was a blow big time. I of course was and am very hurt. I did not freak out or anything I just asked WHY? and told him that I don't understand. He just kept telling me he doesn't know why. Then a couple days later he started being very mean and cold and even told me that I was Mean, a bully, unattractive and he was scared of me. WOW, OUCH!! never saw that coming. I cried for hours outside by myself. He came outside at one point and could not look and me and only said "i'm sorry for what I said" an walked away. The next day I asked why he would say such a thing he told me he did not think I woud let him go so easy. I am truely confused and don't know what to think. he still says he doesn't want to be with me but wants to be friends. Should I put any effort into changing his mind or should I just let him go and try to move on and hope that I will still get to see his daugher and that he will still come to see my son. I am so sad because I didn't just lose my lover but I truely just lost my best friend ever and don't know why. Please help.

First thing is first: If you choose a partner you...

2011-10-28T16:06:18.068-05:00

First thing is first:
If you choose a partner you tend to choose them based on selfish reasons. Ex. What a good wife/man they would make, or he/she fulfills my emotional needs and understands me. Many relationships end because the basis of the relationship was based on selfish reasoning.

My deductions:
Find someone who can bear to be with and if you truly want to know if they are the 'one', pray to God for a sign that you can both witness. (I do not recommend simple signs, ex. a coin toss). Leave it to the Man with a plan or take your chances. I do recommend a close relationship with God because He has given me everything I ever needed, a decent car, a suicidal friend, a few $ to my name, morning wood, a boring job, great family, etc. What i'm trying to say is, be happy for what we do have.

The good the bad and the ugly:
Life is good when you can enjoy the good things and take the inevitable bad that typically follows it. Granted that 'good' thing may have deep psychological problems but who among us doesn't? Maybe I'm just wishing everyone else has problems so I don't feel so bad about myself. Maybe you are the shining light of perfection waiting to save someone's poor soul. That would be just like the movies huh?

My Rant:
I would like to believe that we get what we deserve. Therefore, I am not eager to settle for a woman because I deserve shit for the life I've lived. I can live a life of a saint and I would still not deserve shit for that matter. I may be 90 y.o. someday and still be trusting in God to take care of me. I invest heavily in the afterlife. It may be a stupid gamble, but I am all in. We'll be dead before we know it anyways right? I can't believe I used my time to read all these posts much less post this. Anyways, good luck good people, and may we all win in the end.

In serious need of help! My ex boyfriend and I we...

2011-10-06T19:09:48.156-05:00

In serious need of help!

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. Through the relationship we faced so many life changes and we stuck with one another and grew through those changes. It was the little things that caused us to argue left and right. It came to a point where we could not go a week without a big argument and talk about a breakup. Finally two months ago, we broke up. I was in the middle of a crisis and was very emotional and we argued very badly and he left me. Threatened me not to contact him and everything. We didnt speak for 2 months and he sent me flowers for my birthday spontaneously. We ended up meeting and talking a week later and talked about how we realized the troubles we had in our relationship. He also stated that he only left because he felt that we would have destroyed one another the way we were fighting and he also didnt believe that my crisis was as bad as it really is. It was so obvious that he still cared for me. He became very emotional when talking about how he just wanted me to understand his way of loving me and that he loved me more than anything. He apologized and regretted not being there for me when I needed him and for being a fool in not believing the reality of the situation of my crisis. He told me that he loves me still, but because of how we argued so much in our relationship, he fell out of love. Not because of me, but because of how our relationship went and ended. He said that he never cheated on me and during the 2 months of us not speaking, he did see another woman a couple times, but that was in a attempt to get over me, but it didnt work and he regrets it and is sorry.
I asked him if he wanted to be with me again-- if that was his purpose of the flowers and things and he could only say that he didnt know. I am still in my crisis, so he says that he wants to focus on getting me through that and then from there, we can see what happens, but his main focus is my health and being there for me through my crisis. I tried to get him to talk about his feelings and emotions more, but all that he could say is that he didnt want to be in ANOTHER relationship, not saying he didnt want to be with me, but just not another with someone else if our's was not meant.
He also said that he wanted us to fight together and not against one another to get through my crisis and he wants to see if it will make us stronger. He will not say anything about being in the relationship again, will only say things like "when we were together, it was toxic... we tried and it didnt work"... that makes me believe that he doesnt want to try again.
He did tell me that he was scared and just to relax and see what happens, but my goodness its not that easy. I love him sooo much. I can not explain it.
We were so great when we didnt argue. We were either on top of the world or in the slums. Our ideas and interests match without a problem. We mesh so well with ideas/morals of kids, work, education, family, religion, politics,.. you name it. Like I said, most of our arguements were from petty things, like going out with friends instead of being together or over phone calls. We excelled on our life changing situations (deaths, job changes, relocations, health crises etc)

What do you think? Do you think I could get him back and have him fall in love again?
I cant eat (dont eat for days at a time), sleep or even work really. I just think about this and wonder what is going on and will he come back. I do not want to argue. I want for him to trust that we will both show one another how much we want to embrace everything else in our relationship that we had and loved- without the arguements. But I am afraid taht he is too scared and scarred to do that again

Dear Jennifer, Thank you so much for this advice ...

2011-09-14T04:38:26.574-05:00

Dear Jennifer,

Thank you so much for this advice on falling back in love. My boyfriend just told me that he thinks he is falling out of love with me:( WE lived together in the United States and i moved back to my country (South Africa)after 6 years without him because we were having problems with his family. He was supposed to move too but he is a soldier in the army and was unable to. His contract ends in May 2012 and he said he would come then and live with me here for a year or two and then we can move back together. Two months after i left, he changed his mind about getting out of the army. He actually joined for another 10 years. That made me sad but i said to him that its okay if he wants to stay in and i will support him. he thought if he told me about that army, i will break up with him because i did not want him to stay in. But now that i said i will support him, he said that he has no feelings of being with me. He says he loves and misses me but the thought of being together with me is almost completely absent. Im confused because he says he loves and misses me but does not have the desire to be with me:( His family and i have had some huge fights and they hate me with a passion and he is very very very close to them. He also said to me that it is a relief not to have me in his life.

Im so confused! Please give me some advice on what to do. I want him back whether he is in the army or not. I want him to want to be with me again. He was the kind of guy that worshipped that ground i walked on and i left him because of his family.

Please help me!

To Saydee.....just read your post, wow that is a t...

2011-09-01T06:01:55.356-05:00

To Saydee.....just read your post, wow that is a tricky one right?

Quick question, when your boyfriend was unfaithful to you before, did he wait for you to find out, or did he confess to you what had happened? Because at the moment, like it or not, you are being unfaithful to him.
It is not fair to be with someone when you are so attracted to someone else, as like you have said, the spark goes out of your relationship and you do not give the whole of yourself to that person anymore, which (if you truelly love them) is what they deserve....the whole of you.
Now if he DID used to confess to you when he had been unfaithful, i would suggest talking to him about your feelings for 'someone else' (not necessarily stating who) and say to him what has happened between you, but also that you are truelly sorry, that you love him and want to be with him only. 1 of 2 things will happen. 1- he will realise that perhaps the relationship is not right for you both and end it (which incidently leaves you free to pursue the relationship with your friend whilst clearing your conscience at the same time). 2-He will understand, having been through a similiar dillemma when faced with telling you about his past affairs, you will have a heart to heart and decide to move on together, your relationship will be stronger as it will be based upon trust and love, and you will be less tempted by your friend as you have seen how badly it hurts the one you are with first hand.
However, if he never told you about what he did, always leaving you to find out, and he did cheat repeatedly in the past, them im sorry but if i was you i would NEVER trust him again, as he may be cheating now, but has just got alot better at hiding what he is doing based on learning from when you caught him out before. Now im not saying that is certain, as he may well have turned over a new leaf, but the question is how long will that last. In THIS situation, i woud give it a month, if the situation does not improve (or gets worse ie he cheats again, or you do!) then i would cut and run. To be honest, the relationship with your friend seems so much better suited for you.....and you are young as you said, life is way too short for regretting what may have been, trust me.
So to sum up, if he confessed to you about his affairsa and seems to be a trueely sorry and honest boyf now, give it a go and spill your guts to him.......if he did not confess then you owe him nothing except trying for another month to see if it improves.....if not cut and run. I hope that helped!

If he says the breakup is final, wishes me the bes...

2011-08-26T10:13:50.317-05:00

If he says the breakup is final, wishes me the best and no more contact is it really the end forever?
My ex and I just broke up last Wednseday, I loved him more than anything. He is very successful and his job requires him to travel alot. I used to nag all the time, and have realized now I should have been just supportive. I am utterly depressed bc he also said he has been feeling this way for months. Yesterday would have been our 1 1/2 year anniversary together. My heart aches and mainly bc he said there is no way we will get back together and that we have to move on. I just cant get over the fact that someone I spent everyday (almost, except when he traveled) with is gone. He treated me like a princess, took me to cancun for my bday, NYC for Vday, multiple trips to Chicago. I loved our relationship and am still so in love. I want to believe that maybe in the future he will remember us and our good times, but is it possible for him and I to become again if he feels he is 100% sure the relationship is over? I am so miserable and the thought of any one else kills me. Please advise, thanks.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I am 18...

2011-08-25T20:50:49.777-05:00

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I am 18 at the moment. I understand that as we are young the chances of us spending our lives' together is low, but I could not escape the overwhelming feeling that I wanted to try any way, that I'd be lucky for every minute I spent with him yet at the same time any amount of time was never enough.
Our relationship has always been rocky, he was very reluctant to commit to me (understandably) for the first two years and we broke up often, he has been unfaithful to me many times. We managed to rebuild the trust and he has decided that he wants to commit, he was been wonderful for months now, we argue less and he does not take me for granted or have relationships with other women any more. Great, right?
My problem is this... I met a man fairly recently that drives me crazy, he is not particularly attractive, especially not compared with my boyfriend, his personality is intriguing but not amazing and I generally care for him and see him as one of my two best friends, but we have a mad sexual attraction to each other, we have not had sex in any form however if we are left alone we hold each other and touch each other in a way that I know is completely inappropriate, we have passionately kissed twice, but usually we manage to resist, however we end up kissing each others faces and bodies often. Our feelings toward each other are unfair to our other halves and the guilt is eating away at both of us, the pressure on us at the moment is crushing, neither of us want to lie or hurt our loves but we can't stay away from each other.
I am becoming complacent with my boyfriend and I am starting to feel like my feelings towards him are no longer passionate as they once were, sex has become dull but the thrill I get from touching this friend of mine is unreal, I feel like the guilt is killing me when I see how unassuming and trusting my boyfriend is, I know what I'm doing is wrong and completely unfair but I want to be able to rekindle my love of my boyfriend rather than running into the arms of my friend when I want romance, I know that I want to be with my boyfriend and not with my friend, but in the heat of the moment I feel so powerless to resist... Any advice would be greatly appreciated :(

Have just read most of your posts, i really hope p...

2011-08-23T04:42:01.233-05:00

Have just read most of your posts, i really hope people can fall in love again, i feel i have lost all of the intimacy in my relationship. My partner has never been overly affectionate, however now it has gotten to the point where every night i will sit on the sofa and read/watch TV whie he will sit three feet behind me engrossed in his computer, stoppping only to eat. Any attempt i make to talk to him is responded to with grunts, normally out of frustration because i am distracting him from his reading/activities. Any attemtp i make to kiss him or cuddle him is usually instantly rejected with the excuse 'im busy' or 'can't you see im doing something'. I ask him to come and sit with me so we can have a cuddle together to which i get a repeated answer of 'in a minute' before i finally just give up. Obviously as a knock on from this my self esteem is at an all time low, it is a struggle to find the will to face the day as i know each evening is the same.
I feel i have tried everything from spontaneous romantic breaks away (which we tryically share the cost of) to trying to cook romantic meals for him and dress nicely. The usual response is complaining about the food i have cooked or if we are away, acting mostly bored in me and his surroundings. Along with this our sex life is also at an all time low, i have tried backing off and leaving him to come to me, but he just doesn't, in fact he seems to just retreat further into himself. When i try to have a talk about our relationship he either gets frustrated and complains that i am nagging him, or if i get upset he goes quiet for a time and then promises to change, but he has never done so. He also has difficulties showing compassion or empathy for others, which makes me see him sometimes as cold and hard. When a beloved friend of mine came close to death over the new year, he was merely frustrated that the news had ruined our holiday period. If i become upset he will sit there and sigh with frustration rather than comfort me and ask what is wrong. He claims that i am simply attention seeking and makes it clear he does not tolerate that behaviour.
On the other hand, i know that he loves me, when he is in a good mood he can make me laugh and he teases and plays with me a lot, but more like a little sister than a lover. I am 7 years his junior which is a relatively small gap considering, and he is opposite to me in interests and personality, but we love each other nonetheless. I trust him implicitly and i know he would not stray but just like any other man i am sure he has found other women attractive in the time we have been together. He is a good man and one i want to spend my life with, but the way things are going in our relationship, and the traits that i have pointed out so far make me fearful that he would make me very unhappy in the long wrong. I feel i have tried everything and am now at the end of a very frayed rope. I feel alone and isolated and unsure of what to do next.....any ideas?!?

A very worried romantic

thank you. :)

2011-08-02T20:32:04.897-05:00

thank you. :)

I hope so. I have a friend in a difficult relation...

2011-06-08T06:21:21.136-05:00

I hope so. I have a friend in a difficult relationship. They are currently separated but have a son together. I hope they can work things out.

hey, i've read this article and im so thankful...

2011-05-23T05:04:10.553-05:00

hey, i've read this article and im so thankful i came across it. Im having problems with myself and i dont know what to do anymore.. about a month ago, supposedly my birthday, i was sitting on a chair and a certain feeling hit me. the thought was that i was no longer feeling anything for my boyfriend. it felt like i dont love him anymore. i was so hysterical and the feeling was so overwhelming. i went on like that for a few weeks. i lost weight and couldnt sleep alot. The thing is, i felt guilty for feeling this. i couldnt believe how it was only yesterday that i was really inlove with him and then now im out of love.. completely. i told him about this and it took a couple of phone calls where i would cry at him because of my frustration about myself. he decided to let me think for on week without communication with him to see if i still love him.. the truth was.. 2 weeks of pain.. i was trying so hard to get the feeling again.. and then after awhile.. it felt like i love him again. but i then i feared that we arent really for each other beacause i was older than him and were too young to be this serious. I got the same clingy feeling back. Then we fought about something so petty that led him to break up with me.. at first he really wanted out but then i begged him to stay.. now im very confused. i feel that i love him but he will not change. Like he wouldnt really fight for us. What if we broke up, and he finds someone new? its just that, its too painful i couldnt let go. i worry it will affect me so much that it will affect my studies and i wouldnt want that to happen. i just dont know what to do.

actually, we both smoked some pot last night (we&#...

2010-12-29T18:05:10.792-05:00

actually, we both smoked some pot last night (we're pot smokers) and i told him how i feel. i wanted to connect, i WANT to connect--so badly--but it doesn't always happen. sometimes there's just a wall between us. he's talking and i'm just bored and not even listening to him because i don't feel its relevant to anything.

(same user as above)

i feel like i might be falling out of love with my...

2010-12-29T18:00:56.579-05:00

i feel like i might be falling out of love with my BF. i just don't feel i can invest in what he has to say. this was a problem in the very beginning of our relationship, and though it bugged me, i also overlooked it. he needs to work on communication and meeting my emotional needs. i am a very sensitive, slow-moving, meticulous person (Pisces) and he is more bold and up-front. sometimes we operate on different fronts, it feels like. and i don't get the same enjoyment out of sex. i cannot keep dealing, also, with his negative view on life and people.. because i have a positive view. things aren't working out, and the funny thing is i told him this.

I was hoping that someone can give me some help/ad...

2010-09-23T13:03:24.614-05:00

I was hoping that someone can give me some help/advice.

I was with my boyfriend for 7 years when he ended the relationship, which to me honestly felt like it came out of left field. We met while I was home on summer break from college. I honestly didn't expect the relationship to last past the summer due to the fact that I went away to college and didn't really think he could handle the long distance. But he could.

We started off fine like but then started to hit a rocky patch mostly b/c I'm a lil crazy and kept pushing him away. But nonetheless we wouldn't stay broken up long and get back together in a matter of days. In 2008, I broke up with him after he did something(which he meant as a joke) that triggered a bad memory & i took it out on him. After I cooled down I immediately regretted breaken up with him and also sought therapy for my other issues.

We did get back together, for which he warned me that if we broke up again it would be for the last time. After we got back together everything was fine for the 1st six months or so then both our lives went to the crapper separate from our relationship. He lost his job & his father stole an obscene amount of money from him (like downpayment on a house amount). His fathers betrayal broke his heart and his definition of a man was ruined. I got into an arguement with my sister who basically is like my mother and my entire family turned their backs on me b/c they didnt have the guts to stand up to her.

My bf (now ex) dealt with his problems by basically killing his father off in his mind and heart and also hitting the gym. I continued with therapy & became more of an emotional reck. At one point during 09 i asked for space for the relationship b/c of what both of us was going through with our families but he insisted that we didnt need it and i left it at that.

Throughout the rest of 09 and this year we grew more distant from each other. B/c of still dealing with my family, school and my approaching graduation and not finding a job I basically became needy, clingy & alot of other crap. It was June of this yr when I finally noticed how I was acting that I notice that he was pulling away. When I approached him about it is when he ended the relationship.

I've only recently found out that he felt like this for the last 6 mos of our relationship and didnt say anything b/c he didnt want to stress me out more then I already was. I also found out that he cheated(no sex though) for which I have forgiven him for. I want us to get back together. I truly do love him. However, he doesnt love me any more even though he says he still cares for me deeply. He fears that if he was to give us another chance that we would only get better for a while and that the problems will come back. the lack of sex in our relationship was also a big issue for him. The last year of our relationship there was none and he grew extremely tired of trying. it was only recently that I finally realized and admitted out loud that my love for him made me insecure and i couldnt not open up to him sexually(litterarly & figurtively). Which seem to do the trick b/c he spent making sweet music everytime we saw each other even though we were broken up. that has stopped though b/c I didnt like i was feeling afterwards.

I am desperately in love with him but I keep pushing him away with my actions thats last 2 weeks or so eventhough he ended the relation in June of this yr.

I'm not sure if he's still dealing with what happen btwn him and his father, being unemployed or just extremely mad at me b/c he thinks i didnt try to make the relationship work the last time whe got back together, for which he might be right on b/c i got wrapped up in my own issues. I just now I love him and want to be with him.

If anyone can help it would be much appreaciated.

Thanks,
Lee aka Broken Hearted

Hey, I just wanted to see if you could help me. I ...

2010-09-04T12:08:41.732-05:00

Hey, I just wanted to see if you could help me.
I was with my boyfriend for a little over a year. It was a long distance relationship but I was very in love with him and he was desperately in love with me, to the point where I was sure he loved me more than I loved him. Things were pretty much perfect up until the 3 weeks when our relationship turned sour. He asked me if in the future I would marry him, and we even talked about children. He had told me that I was absolutely the one and I still heartily believe he is.
We had a huge fight right before I went camping. His arguement was that I didn't love him enough and that I wasn't proving to him that I loved him. The thing here was that this arguement took place over text messages because the speaker in his phone was damaged, so the issue was probably blown way out of proportion. I had gotten a letter in the mail while I was camping from him, stating that he still loved me but he wanted to spend some time apart. I got home and we talked about it, and I learned that he fooled around with another girl. I got mad at him, and he decided to break it off with me, saying that 'when you are ready to be with me again, you let me know.'
i backpedaled instantly, afraid to lose him. we dealt with this issue over the phone and solved it, and he said that I should probably come up to his house over the weekend. at this time he still believed that I was the one and wanted to be with me forever. So I went up to his house, and things seemed great at first. But on the last day, I noticed that he wasn't looking at me or touching me in the same way as he used to. So while I was on the way home, I texted him, and he seemed miserable. So, after a few messages sent back and forth, I learned that he didn't think he wanted to be with me anymore and that over the past couple of days, he had fallen out of love with me and that we weren't right for each other.
When I got home, he agreed to call me up to talk about it. I needed closure. I had asked him everything, and basically what I got was that:
1) He still cared about me even though he didn't love me anymore
2) Parts of him still wanted to be with me
3) If he could choose to love me, he would
4) He couldn't find one specific reason to fall out of love with me
5) I asked him if there was a chance if he could ever love me again and he said yes

I'm not a believer in fairy tales. I'm a realist when it comes to these things. But I still love him madly. I don't know if this is something that he's just going through, or something that can be fixed with time, or something permanent. But since this was, for both of us, the longest, happiest, and deepest relationship, I have trouble believing that it could just end in 3 weeks.

Please help!
Thank you
Paula

I have been with my partner for nearly eight years...

2010-07-24T05:03:16.012-05:00

I have been with my partner for nearly eight years and it was the most incredible time of my life. It took me so long to trust and except that he was the one. He made me believe that true love can happen and there can be a happily ever after. Then about a month he moved out. Over the past three/ four months he was slowly distancing himself from me and he couldn't tell me why. We had so many long talks about this issue, he never once said it was about "us", he just didn't feel right about himself. I have never seen him so sad. Then the bombshell off him leaving and needing time to be by himself to sort this out.Im really finding it hard to only talk once a week but on the other hand wanting him to have the space he needs at the moment. The entire time he has spoken about wanting us to be back together but he cant until he makes himself happy again. I trust this man with my life and know he is the most honest and honourable person I know so I know there is no one else and that he truely wants to be with me again. I cant help but think this is about the death of his Mum about nine months ago but he says its not. The problem is my friends and family think Im being stupid or foolish or even blind for waiting for him. I question that myself but isnt a once in a lifetime person worth waiting for? I just don't know how to cope with a partner who needs space away from me.

I'm reading all these replies and wondering wh...

2010-07-20T13:55:31.518-05:00

I'm reading all these replies and wondering whether I love my bf enough,.. the most helpful comment on this site I've read so far is from the married guy who's wife has left him and come to realise that he has to let her go.

I wonder how I would feel if my bf behaved that way,.. would I feel free or would I want him to initially try to change the faults with 'us' and fight for 'us' in an effort to make it work again?

I wonder....

I'm reading all these replies and wondering wh...

2010-07-20T13:55:23.513-05:00

I never realized the commonality that we share in ...

2010-07-13T15:39:30.656-05:00

I never realized the commonality that we share in matters of love and long term relationships. Reading through all of these posts, I can see that people are suffering the same way that I felt like I have and for so many different reasons. Love is complicated. Those who think it is black and white are wrong. Those who think it is cut and dry are wrong. Love takes work and nourishing and a whole lot of effort.

My boat feels like it has been sinking. I have been in a relationship for 7 1/2 years with someone who I've always felt was my other half. We've shared everything and bought our home and our dog together. I never questioned the future and just took it for granted that it would happen as I planned. However, things changed. Shortly after our 7 year anniversary, I changed. I started noticing men that I've been blind to. I started yearning a different path than the one my SO and I had been sculpting. I started doubting all of the plans that I had once craved so desperately.

Here is a little background information: My boyfriend and I got together when I was 15 years old. We moved out together when I was 18. I went through college and graduated last May. We got engaged the day after I graduated and I immediately started planning the wedding. Our 7 year anniversary was in January and that's around the time I started feeling differently.

I've talked with my closest loved ones and they all pretty much say the same thing: "follow your heart", "do what makes you happy", etc. Trouble is: I can't determine what will make me happy. Reading through these posts, I understand that we should do everything we can to save the relationship, but I don't know that I am willing. I have such a wonderful man and I know our future would be bright, but given my age and the fact that I've never experienced a life outside of our relationship, I just don't know that I want to continue the relationship forever.

While we may have "many options", there really are only 2 paths: stay in the relationship or leave. I struggle between these. I feel like my gut is telling me to leave, but my logic tells me to stay.

I guess I'm not expecting an answer, but reading these posts, I know that there are others that are experiencing similar relationship pains and you know what they say, "misery loves company". Nonetheless, I don't feel like myself anymore and I'm terribly stressed about the entire situation.

Oh! Another important fact: I told him how I was feeling back in March. Instead of being mad, he was devastated and wanted to work things out. We continued from that point and have had some happy moments and we still greatly enjoy one another (he is my BEST friend). However, the nagging negative feelings never go away for me. After months of struggling through this, we still talk about it weekly, but instead of growing stronger together, I feel like I'm drifting even further.

Sinking boat... Struggling. Kicking my legs and gasping for air, yet I continue to sink. [sigh]

Good luck to all of you out there struggling with love. Trust in God or whichever spiritual guide that you go to. I'm positive things will work out, but things sure are tough in the meantime...

So many people all suffering from this broken hear...

2010-07-06T10:32:36.689-05:00

So many people all suffering from this broken heart while in a loving ( or not ) relationships. I'm not sure if I'm heartened to find company or scared that this is normal. May the universe light the way.

I myself have been in a relationship for a decade or so. We had a child and gave it up for adoption. Then lost all levels of intimacy (hand holding, sitting on the same side of a booth at restaurants, kissing, absolutely no sex really, holding, eye-contact, meaningful conversation about anything non-informational ). That was 7 years ago. We were just starting to show our true selves....then total shutdown.

I am very slow to reveal my nature. I also need intimacy and understanding as part of the foundation that keeps me from falling apart. After 6 years or so I was numb. I think I've lost touch with our love completely. It plagues me all the time....doubts....wonderings. Now I have begun to notice the great connections I have made with the only person I ever really speak to anyways. Is my brain just making trouble to sustain the doubts I've established?

We've been together for so long and she's the greatest person ever too. She's strong, smart, generous, caring, and puts up with my depressed and lazy butt.

I just don't know what to do. I'm too afraid to say it, to afraid to just walk away. I can't sleep. I can't get work. Posting in an anonymous blog is the only thing I'm not too afraid to do.

Of course I'm completely stubborn and never give up so it could be the universes way of either forcing me to deal with my rampant thoughts or to force me to overcome my fear and do what is neccesary.

For now I listen to cheesy music, just wallowing and thinking. Sorry I'm so wordy. Well may the universe be with you.