Comments on The Art of Intimacy: Your Spouse Cheated? Ten Ways to Cope After an Af...

I can relate so much to this. I have recently suff...

2012-01-27T23:45:49.533-05:00

I can relate so much to this. I have recently suffered a lot if pain because my partners actions as well as my own. We are a young couple, very much in love, and very much invested in our relationship. That is, until the recent events. But first. How it all started: he was in a relationship... And she had just given birth to his child. Him and I met at work... Became friends and soon, very close. We spent time together and found such joy in eachothers company. At some point. We crossed the line and we were intimate. I felt such a connection to him.... Such a beautiful bond. But. I knew it was wrong and he knew it was wrong. Nevertheless, we continued on, until we ultimately got caught. It was horrible. And ridiculous and shameful, on all accounts. But he decided that he felt as if his relationship with this other womyn had taken it's course. Obviously, he didn't know how to feel when she unexpectedly became pregnant. His thought was that as a man, he had a duty to remain by her side. So him and I discontinued our relationship and he attempted to mend what he had torn. What resulted, was him feeling miserable and her feeling unworthy. We decided to see eachother once again and became the same happy amazing partnership we once were. Fast forward to a year later....she finds out she contracted a disease and told him he needed to get tested. My question was, why would he need such a test, if he had remained faithful to me? Answer: he wasn't faithful. He cheated on me, with her, just as he had cheated on her, with me. This left me in such a horrible state. I was the other womyn. I was THE womyn. And now, I was the womyn who was scarred by infidelity. I felt such disgust betrayal shame anger. Everything. But then I began to believe that maybe this was something I deserved, for what I had done a year earlier. I've coddled many thoughts in my head.... Many reasonings. Possibilities. And now I think I have just accepted that it happens. But we are so much in love.... We love spending time together. Such fun times. But from reading other posts I know that infidelity occurs when there is something wrong. Wrong in the relationship, maybe even something going on with the cheater himself. What is my next step? Could it be, that he still has some sort of.... Unfinished business with her? Is he still in love with her? He blames it on alcohol impaired judgement....and also on him being upset at me for an argument and disagreement. But is that IT?! I don't know what to think, but I am trying to heal. We want this to be, just a minor tare in our map to marriage. I am confident that things can get better....but to what extent? Could we survive??

I have no sympathy for "The other woman"...

2012-01-18T14:23:06.333-05:00

I have no sympathy for "The other woman". You deserve all the pain and hurt that you are currently experiencing. Telling us how you miss these cheating men just shows that you have no shame.

I cannot understand why you are so angry with these cheating husbands when they drop you like a hot stone. They can see you have no morales because you are willing to give them what they definately do not deserve so they will use you and refuse you. They will never take you seriously because they can see that you are capable of cheating on your own partners and why would they really want a woman who is capable of that?

As women we should think about the hurt and the pain that we can cause by engaging sexual with married men. You might think you have one over their wives but the truth of the matter is they always go back home. Home is where their heart is at.

To all those who have been cheated on love your self and never let anyone make you feel less then the beautiful people you are. If they can't appreciate what they have beside them it is their loss not yours.

I am 5 1/2 months pg. I hv been w the father for a...

2011-12-29T19:43:02.364-05:00

I am 5 1/2 months pg. I hv been w the father for almost a yr. We planned this pg. Well we were great up until a few months back when his x started contacting him again. We discussed it & he said it was bc of her kids. He helped raise them for 3yrs. He went 2 Iraq 2 try 2 make $ for them & while he was gone she betrayed him n everyway u can think of. So as a few months hv passed he says he has feelings for her & forgives her for everything & needs closure or something. So I told him fine. Go find out but do not contact me unless its for Dr appts. He wouldn't. So now we come 2 present. This Christmas he spent it w her. No matter how much I begged & pleaded he would not come home. Then he finally does Christmas night & tells me nothing has been going on between them & its just about the kids. He tells me thank u for never giving up on me & 2 hang on 2 him bc we r the family he wants 2 b w & loves us. Then the Tuesday after I drive 2 his house bc I hv a strange feeling & there he is w her kids & her. He's n his underwear w hickies on his neck. The only thing he would say (scream n my face) 2 me was get the eff out of his house & he didn't care if he lost his son. Over & over again. I left. It's Thursday & I've heard nothing from him. I cnt get the pictures of what I saw out of my head. I keep replaying our whole relationship over n my mind. I cnt sleep. All I think about is how long has this been going on, y didn't he take the out I gv him, what's so wrong w me that he had 2 cheat, I'm humiliated, how could he gv up his son so easily when he so desperately wanted him, .....what now? I need a lot of help w this. My family & friends tell me I'm stupid for loving him still but I hv never loved some1 so much b4. His family is shocked & ready 2 disown him bc they hv never liked her & he is willing 2 lose it all. He told me b4 he didn't know if it was guilt of what he missed out on w them or love that kept him on the fence. He always promised they were not sexual & I told him if they ever were 2 plz stop being sexual w me bc I do not want my child or my life put @ risk. He never said a word. HELP!!!!!!!!

Thank you for writing this article. I had recently...

2011-12-18T20:34:52.893-05:00

Thank you for writing this article. I had recently found out that my husband of 9 years has been cheating on me with his co-worker. He said he stopped the affair the day I confronted him. I know in my heart that I have doubts. They work in different floors but the same building so of course they would still see each other. He said it was purely sexual. He said he didn't have any feelings for this girl. How can he not have feelings for someone he had been flirting/sleeping with for 10 months??? Can a marriage counselor help us? He has admitted to the affair, admitted that whatever problem we had in the marriage was not an excuse for the affair. I think I need to see a psychiatrist. I have suicidal ideations at times. I know it would be stupid for me to go through with it. It will destroy our 3 kids, it would be like letting the other woman triumph. I have good days and bad days. Bad days would just come on unexpectedly. I'll be cleaning the house and tears would start trickling to sobbing uncontrollably. During those times, I feel like ending my life would be the only way to stop the pain. I still love my husband despite of what he has done to me. He's never hurt me physically, not once but the emotional pain is unbearable. Help me to cope, please.

I know very well about the pain of an affair. We h...

2011-12-12T19:20:27.390-05:00

I know very well about the pain of an affair. We had just built our dream home on the lake when suddenly his brother died in our back yard. My good friend, who was so supportive of what we were going threw, ended up in my husband's arms...three times in one week. We've been married almost fifteen years and even now after two years, I still can't sleep peacefully. The tears are grand and often. Conselling helped provide insight on the why (husband's grief, feeling guilty about not being able to revive his brother from a heart attack). But in the end, should the reason really matter? I feel confused and torn a part and yet I stay. Why?

for all of you this is hands down one of the best ...

2011-12-04T22:09:27.781-05:00

for all of you this is hands down one of the best posts I've seen on the subject. it hurts so bad and you get so angry. i was one of those women who became so unhappy i left my partner then had sex with someone else. Then wegot back together and he never knew my secret. after getting back together hecheated on me not once not twice not even three times, but four times. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT. i never told him what i did and felt silently that i some how deserved everything that happend. We are still together but the anger and rage have consumed me. someone please tell me what i should do. I mean i have gone through great lengths to make sure he would never be hurt by or find out about the time i broke it off. However he makes no bones about openly cheating on me when he did. HELP

unless your partner is willimg to be very very ope...

2011-11-27T01:36:56.928-05:00

unless your partner is willimg to be very very open and honest and reasure over and over until u feel comfortable it wont work. trust is vital and when you lose trust and your partner doesnt want to be questioned about his where abouts let him go. you will be miserable. trust me. robin

I paid him a surprise visit at his place and found...

2011-11-24T18:38:58.014-05:00

I paid him a surprise visit at his place and found her belongings in his home - he tried to hide them but I found them. He tried to lie and make up a story but I found her birth control prescription with her name on it. It was the woman he was 'rumoured' to have cheated on me with months earlier.
It's only been 6 days but it's been pure hell. We have talked every day and he has begged for me back. The night I caught him he ended it with the other woman. I yelled and called him every name in the book and told him I hated him and wasted my life with him. I told him he could only speak to me about the kids otherwise we were not ever going to be friends. He says he never loved her (she's only 21 for christs sake). I can relate to an earlier post on here. My husband says he left me because I critisized him a lot and made him feel less of a man. This woman chased him as he chased her and made him feel all the things he needed to boost his low self esteem. He tried to tell me for years he felt this way and this is why we weren't having much sex or connecting but I kept critisizing him for not having sex with me often and accusing him of not loving me or being attracted to me. My self esteem was so hurt by his treatment of me (pushing me away and not having much sex) that I didn't hear what he was trying to tell me all those years.
Now I have asked him to move home and he has. I feel this intense need to please him sexually and be a sexy woman for him. It's like I am competing with the other woman even though he has left her. This is crazy because I should be making him sweat it out and torturing him like he did me. I need him to make me feel special. I am terrified out of my mind he is or will resume a relationship with her. I need to stay off the internet becuase I keep reading stories about men who keep going back to the other woman. I cannot believe I have welcomed him home so soon but I have to follow my heart. My heart says he needs to actually be here so that we can work on things. I wont lie that some of it is prompted by the fact I want to keep him here and make sure he isn't spending the night with her. Oh dear. My husband cheated on me 12 years ago when we first started dating and I forgave that. I really did not think he would ever do it again after what we went through. Now I'm wondering is he a serial cheater? Am I an idiot? All I know is that I am going to try to heal from this pain and forgive and I am going to try to work on the marriage problems we have in the hopes that things will be better between us. I will always think about them together and the fact he chose her over me and he abandon me when I was pregnant. I know in time I wont think about it as much. I am going to try to stay positive but I can say I have learned a hell of a lot. I'm not sure if my mind will always have a guard up and be aware that it could all end between us sometime or if I will cling to the idea of he and I together forever in a terribly unhealthy co-dependant way.

My husband and I have been together 12 years. We ...

2011-11-24T18:38:26.068-05:00

My husband and I have been together 12 years. We have 2 kids under 4 and I was feeling very happy and satisfied with him. We built our dream home together last year and really have both realized career and financial dreams most people would be envious of. Earlier this year, when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child he blindsided me and told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to break up. Over the next 5 weeks he lived with a friend but still came home daily to see me, talk and 'hang out'. As soon as the baby was born he moved home and we started counselling.
things were going well until I heard rumours of the affair. Both he and she denied it. He pulled away. He said he was having a hard time over how I 'went off the rails' and confronted her and questioned our mutual friends about his recent activities away from the home. For the next few months things got terribly bad for us and I felt he had completely given up on us. Our counsellor advised me to end it and I did. We cried and he told me he didn't want it to be over. He swore to me he wouldn't see anyone else while we would be apart because it was his hope that this time apart could bring us closer together and help us heal what was going wrong.
The first few weeks he was gone we spoke mostly about the children and not that often. After those weeks he started to resume coming to the house all the time and spending time with me. Slowly we grew closer. We went on dates, we laughed and we slowly began affection (holding hands, hugging). I was nearly about to ask him to move home until last weekend when things turned upside for me.

Costa Rica Nightlife

Thank you for this post. I am not married, but my ...

2011-11-05T23:00:24.959-05:00

Thank you for this post. I am not married, but my boyfriend recently admitted that he had cheated on me. We are attending college in two different states, so the relationship is long distance during the school year. I have gone through the process of forgiving him, and like you said, it wasn't for him, it was for me, so that I could move on. But I still find myself thinking about it and the hurt comes back every now and then, even though I know that he loves me and that he is working on bettering himself so that this doesn't happen again. I am not excusing any of his behavior, and it will always be unacceptable, but we are both willing to move on from it together and build up our relationship again. The parts of your post that really hit home for me were forgiveness (I think this is the most important thing for anything in life), moving on, and letting go. I tend to hold on to and feed emotions once they hit me, so I think your suggestion about letting them flow is really helpful. Some meditation may help me do that. I'm just at the point where I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want to be afraid of what I know now he is capable of doing. I know it will take time, I'm just impatient.

Is it normal for me to still want to be intimate w...

2011-11-01T08:31:20.278-05:00

Is it normal for me to still want to be intimate with my cheating wife after knowledge of the affair.

I am really enjoying reading your well written art...

2011-10-19T07:51:58.758-05:00

I am really enjoying reading your well written articles. I think you spend numerous effort and time updating your blog.
Wonderful post! I will be back again!
quotes about happiness

My partner cheated on me a year ago with my best f...

2011-10-18T16:10:57.838-05:00

My partner cheated on me a year ago with my best friend, he has always had feelings for her and has since expressed that he is caught between the two of us. We used to be so in love, I so badly want it to be like that again but he seems to feel that things have changed and i feel it relates to my feeling inadequate enough to keep his attention. He may come across as horrible and many people will say 'leave him' I'm sure, but he is not and I assure you he has put a lot into this relationship and truly doesn't want to see me hurt, I feel this is partly why he's still here. I want to convince him that I'm still me but every time I hear my old friends name it literally causes me pain. How can I proceed ?

Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. Thi...

2011-10-13T07:21:19.481-05:00

Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work!

Buy Biltricide Online

My wife had an affair a long time ago. I admit our...

2011-10-12T11:05:11.110-05:00

My wife had an affair a long time ago. I admit our relationship was rocky at the time, not due to me cheating on her though.
Today, I have never forgotten it. Today the feelings are stronger than they have been of anger, disgust, disappointment, and pain. She never admitted with who, and for how long, and never appologized to me for it. But we both know it happened, and she tend to avoid the subject when it comes up, or push it off. I am really getting angry. Avoiding the problem makes it MUCH worst, than talking about it, and getting it out....

It makes me feel so surprise.I never know there is...

2011-10-03T05:42:22.684-05:00

It makes me feel so surprise.I never know there is such a wonderful place that ,I can find what I need,

Joey you are probably better off not knowing who h...

2011-09-28T14:22:16.756-05:00

Joey you are probably better off not knowing who he is. My husband of 10 years cheated on me with our neighbour. The fact that I know who she is and what she looks like, adds to the images you think about. An anon person might very well be easier for you in a small town as you dont have to face this person and "be polite".

Great post. It has really helped me in rationalising.

It is funny how you can change your reaction when you are faced with the situation. Like others on here I always said I will never stay if a man did that to me, and im lucky my husband isnt like that. Well he did do it, and Im still here! I think the ones that say it is the easy option to stay, never stayed!!!!. It is hard work building back your self esteem, and confidence, but slowly it does happen.

For those "new" members to the cheated on club, there is light at the end of that tunnel. I am 6 months into it and am just starting to feel good! I still have bad days, but I dont cry everyday anymore and the memory is starting to feel more like a dream then a reality. I chose not to tell a lot of friends as I didn't want them to judge me, I write a lot in a journal and I read a lot. I am also thinking about sourcing some counselling for myself to help ME evolve.

Good luck to all xx

These information helps me consider some useful th...

2011-09-07T17:37:17.173-05:00

These information helps me consider some useful things, keep up the good work.

I live in a small town where everybody knows every...

2011-09-06T19:40:23.811-05:00

I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody. I recently was informed by my fiance, whom I've been with for 8 years, cheated on a drunken night after the bar. Both her and I want to make it work, so my question is- is it better to know who it was or let it go beause it is a fact that the other guy and I do know another somehow.

All I know is...if my spouse cheated on me then I ...

2011-08-21T21:17:04.059-05:00

All I know is...if my spouse cheated on me then I would definitely make it work only under certain circumstances. If my spouse cheated on me with another woman and I forgave him, then he would most certainly have to forgive me if I cheated. Especially, if I was to get pregnant by another man.

Thanks a lot for sharing this amazing knowledge wi...

2011-07-30T05:17:43.528-05:00

Thanks a lot for sharing this amazing knowledge with us. This site is fantastic. I always find great knowledge from it.

Thanks a lot for sharing this amazing knowledge wi...

2011-07-30T05:14:43.013-05:00

Thanks a lot for sharing this amazing knowledge with us. This site is fantastic. I always find great knowledge from it.

Thank you for sharing to us Thank you for sharing ...

2011-07-25T04:08:57.669-05:00

Thank you for sharing to us
Thank you for sharing to us.
Please one more post about that..

I need this article to complete my assignment in t...

2011-07-23T08:31:19.423-05:00

I need this article to complete my assignment in the college, and it has same topic with your article. Thanks, great share.