Your Spouse isn't is Love With You... is there hope?

One of the saddest events in a marriage is when one spouse comes forth with the news, "I am not in love with you anymore."

Is the marriage over?

Is there any hope?

How does one go on?

First let me be really clear.... I strongly believe that the vast majority of marriages can be saved, can be healthy and happy and loving, IF both partners are willing to invest in the relationship to make it so.

So, the way I see it, the question is not, why is one spouse no longer in love nor is it does the relationship have to end.

The question is... is the out-of-love spouse wanting to heal the relationship or not.

If so, is he or she willing to do the required work to make it so.

If one partner has given up, is unwilling to try to make things work, or wants to bail out on the family, there may be little chance of working things out.

On the other hand, regardless of the situation, if both partners want to make the marriage strong and vibrant it can be so.

Now, lets take a look at what is actually happening when one partner claims he or she is no longer in love with their spouse.

First, it is important to know that the initial wild and crazy attraction stage of a love relationship does not last forever. Typically within a year or two that out-of-control high softens. Many couples feel that because of this, they are no longer in love and must end the relationship or seek someone new to regain that fabulous feeling.

In reality, a marriage while releasing the initial strong attraction phase can move into a much more satisfying and bonding type of relationship. The brain chemistry literally changes and while the excitement and exhilaration diminishes a new intimacy and deepening love can emerge if the marriage is nourished.

Secondly, virtually all couples go through stages of ups and downs in a relationship. I think it is safe to say that there are few if any marriages that don't have to deal with some uncomfortable times and some difficult challenges. It is part of life and part of a relationship. There is no getting around this.

If a couple is determined to work through the difficulties and are committed to the marriage, they can go on and become an even stronger and closer couple. If however these challenges are allowed to simmer and stew, they often eventually blow up and become huge obstacles that may require serious intervention and help.

Again, if a couple is willing to work through their problems, they can overcome the challenges.

Finally, for those who are left wondering what to do now that their spouse is no longer in love with them:

Unfortunately in life we are often deeply hurt by those closest to us. We can't change our partner, we can't undo the past, and we can't make someone love us.

What we can do is be the very best person we can be.

I whole heatedly suggest counseling and honesty and open discussion but in the end, we have no control over anothers choice, even our spouse.

So, you take care of yourself, surround yourself with those who love and support you, and manage the best you can. More importantly you hold hope in your heart that you will get through this challenge. One way or another.

So let me ask you a little question... if a person is in a little rowboat during a huge storm, what advice do you give them?

Hold on.

These most difficult of life's challenges are the times when we just hold on. It is not easy, it may hurt more than you can imagine, still, you hold on. You will get through it.

In sum, there is both good and not so good news....

The not so good news is, if one partner has given up they typically don't want to work through the challenge.

The good news is, couples can and do work through the difficult problems that come up. Nearly all problems can be worked through with determination and commitment.

Love can be rekindled and reignited.