How to Not Become Addicted to Porn

This article is written in response to several questions concerning sexual addiction.

How does one become sexually addicted?

Conversely, how does one prevent sexual addiction in this very sexualized society?

This is a complicated topic, one deserving of the numerous books written to address this issue. The research is ongoing and every day we are learning more about the brain, addiction, neurology, and our sexual responses.

With that disclaimer, let me briefly share a few ideas as I summarize some of the current information on pornography addiction.

First, like all addiction, sexual/pornography addiction is a way to reduce anxiety and pain.

Using drugs to alter our neurochemistry is a way to deaden pain, similarly sexual addiction is a way to release powerful chemicals in the brain that create feelings of elation and pleasure, reducing anxiety and pain.

Basically, porn is a fast acting and extremely effective way to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. In the moments following the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, pain and anxiety are diminished and one lives in a positive state for a few moments, a literal, "high".

In time, as with all addictions, the body adjusts to the highs and moves into "tolerance," a phase where the same stimulus is no longer effective, and increase of the stimulus is required to produce the same "high".

Further complicating the situation is the fact that the "need" itself creates further anxiety and even feelings of panic, heightening the "need."

As time passes the increase stimulus moves the person into one of two states, either a state of very uncomfortable withdrawal, (without the stimulus), or a "high" requiring and engaging a considerable amount of stimulus.

How can one prevent this scenario?

Again this is complicated and multifaceted so to simplify let me share what we know about men who become addicted to porn/sex.

* We know that the more emotionally healthy and happy, the less one tends to engage in behaviors that dull one's emotions and pain.

* We know that the temporary "high" is not equivalent to happiness, in fact often leads to unhappiness.

* We know that sexual addiction is ultimately an intimacy disorder, often with origins of difficulties, possibly abuse in early childhood.

* We know that men often try to replace the care, intimacy, and love of a real human being, with a momentary "high".

* We know that the "need" for porn is not just to dull the pain of lack of intimacy, love, or even sex but can be in response to any and all pain or anxiety.

* We know that men who become addicted to porn require more "edgy" (graphic, unusual, children, tawdry, deviant, etc), images to receive the "high."

So based on the above information, how does one prevent themselves from becoming addicted?

The following list if very simplistic and provides a brief and simple overview of prevention. The following does not address the complexities of actual addiction and recovery.

1. Do whatever you must do to obtain emotional health. What issues and challenges are you currently facing that need overcoming? What pain are you repressing that needs healing? Perhaps counseling is in order to help work through the pain and anxiety that may contribute to the need for a dulling of the emotions.

2. Reflect on how you feel about women generally? The more respect, the less objectification of women. The more a guy sees women as equal, valuable, human beings, (mothers, daughters, sisters, granddaughters, partners, friends), the less he considers it appropriate to degrade and use women for his momentary gratification. Men do not objectify those he does not consider a possible sexual partner.

3. Rather than repress, release. In other words, it is not healthy to deny one has emotions, feelings, and even urges but these can be released rather than repressed. One can acknowledge an instinct and let it go rather than indulge. One can consciously let go of the thought rather than hold the ideas and allow thoughts to grow and increase. It may take practice nevertheless, it is the healthy way to move toward greater consciousness.

4. Avoid those situations, images, media, and environments that promote the objectification of women. One doesn't need to immerse themselves in the sexual environment of our society. As an alcoholic avoids the bar, (perhaps even the beer section of the market), those with tendencies toward porn addiction may find removing themselves from the temptation extremely valuable. There is a lot to be said for eliminating temptation.

5. How do you manage pain and anxiety? Many guys find it easy to just cover up the pain, and have not learned how to manage and truly cope with anxiety or uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Our society seems to have done a poor job of teaching healthy and appropriate ways to deal with the challenges of life. If you notice you are not dealing well with the challenges of life, or if you find yourself wanting to cover up, ignore, deny the pain, get professional help to learn to better manage those difficulties.

6. Hold onto your values. If you are a secularist who values respect and equality, or if one is a religionist who has standards of morality, or if you are a believer in honoring life and our human family, remind yourself often of what you believe is a healthy and enlightened way to live life. Most people, upon reflection and as they listen to their heart, realize when they are living out of balance, or not in harmony with their deepest sense of goodness. Most of us, if we ponder and honestly reflect on our actions and behavior, and even thoughts have a sense of what is decent and respectful, and what promotes kindness and honor in our world. Most of us have an ability to sense when we are engaging in behavior that is not truly in our best interest, if we only attune ourselves to this ability.

The more a man is aware and consciously acknowledges his behaviors and the resulting consequences or results, the less likely he will move into an unhealthy state of addiction.

In sum, addiction to porn is based in pain, it is a intimacy disorder, and is a unhealthy way to dull the senses and create moments of pleasure. The brain "tricks" a person into thinking the pleasure is somehow leading to happiness, when in fact the opposite is true.

Basically there are two clear factors that we know lessen the probablity a guy will become addicted to porn: the more emotionally healthy the individual, the less likely he will become addicted to porn. And, the less one immerses oneself into porn, the less likely he will become addicted to porn.

Again, this is a very brief overview but perhaps will give some ideas of how to prevent porn addiction.

Are you addicted to porn? Do you need some help? Read this post! Take the test!

Does Porn help or hurt relationships? Read this post!

Please feel free to comment, or email me if you have further questions or concerns!