Sexual Incompatibility?

A common complaint many therapists hear from couples is of sexual incongruency or sexual incompatibility in relationship.

For some couples struggling with their relationship, a man may want more sex, while a woman feels their relationship doesn't have enough non-sexual love and romance.

Sound familiar?

A man may try to be more romantic but it may come across to his wife that he is being more romantic so he can have more sex which compounds the problem. A woman may be more sexual but then there seems to be little if any non-sexual romance, again furthering the problem.

What is the solution?

One simple technique that may be helpful for some couples is to set a specific date for sex.

I know it sounds totally unromantic and uncomfortable, but couples may find it completely eliminates the problem and allows for a new fabulous relationship.

Let me elaborate with an example.

If a couple decides that for one month they will only have sex on Saturdays, but they will have sex every Saturday here is what happens.

First, it becomes clear that any romance or love from the husband during the week is not just to have sex but is a genuine reflection of love and care. In other words it frees a woman from feeling the demand for sex or feeling a hug or kiss is always a need for sex.

For a man, he doesn't have to worry about trying to get his wife to agree to have sex because he knows they have a date for sex. There is no question, concern, or worry at all.

Now, for some sex only once a week may not seem sufficient but often a couple will find that the anticipation, expectation, and desire over the week grows stronger and sex becomes even more fabulous.

The week allows for dreams, plans, and an "event" rather than the often more dutiful, routine, or even boring sexual encounter.

The demands for sex or for romance are diffused and become nearly non-existent, while the anticipation and excitement for sex grows and expands.

Now along with the plan hopefully a man will do his best to be loving and romantic, and hopefully a woman will do her best to be sexually interested as well. This goes without saying.

After a specific and agreed to period of time with this new approach to sex, couples may notice a relationship that is more loving, less manipulative, and much more lighthearted and comfortable.

Romance blossoms, the passion comes back, and sexuality is reignited.