Rekindle, Reignite, and Revive your Relationship

You had a few great years, then the relationship started to die. The fire and passion that was once there is gone. The love and connection is absent. Even the friendship and companionship doesn't seem very alive.

What do you do?

Some women and men may look for someone new.

A new romance is enticing and lots of fun. Why? Because during that initial phase of attraction the mind and body are flooded with wonderful chemicals that create feelings of vibrancy and joy. When we get those endorphins in our system, we feel alive and happy and on a wild "high."

This has NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL GENUINE LOVE.

Please ponder this for a few minutes....(repeat it over and over if necessary)!

Those crazy endorphins that enter our system during the attraction phase of a relationship, and get us thinking we have found the love of our lives are NOT what it means to actually love a person. They were invented by our animal ancestors millions of years ago, and passed along to us to get us to mate so as to further our species. Again, this is NOT love.

When your marriage feels dead, the answer is not to just go off and find someone else so you can get some endorphins, the answer is to work on the relationship and create real love. True love doesn't just happen, it is developed and created.

But the big question is: how does one rekindle, reignite, and revive the relationship?

Let me give you a five specific ideas.

1. Care for your partner. Do all you can to express love, kindness, and care. You give, and give and give to the relationship.

Research shows that the more you give to another, the more YOU love the person to whom you give. This may seem counter intuitive. It may appear that the more you give to another the more they love and appreciate you, but it is absolutely true that the more you give, the more YOU love.

Obviously, as you give to another he or she may also appreciate you as well, but giving to the relationship is about YOU rekindling love toward your partner.

2. Enjoy time together. If you are involved together in joyful activities, enjoyable moments, and fun events, you will bond more deeply. When people share happy times they grow together. Unite by enjoying time together.

3. Create wonderful memories. Memories are like deep roots that bond and hold a couple together. A relationship cannot exist solely on the past experiences, but having wonderful times together, to look upon and reflect upon often remind us of our love and care for each other. When things get tough we have a past to hold to as we work through challenges.

4. Fill your heart with gratitude and appreciation toward your partner. Sometimes a person may not feel love toward a partner but gratitude and appreciation is something more easily created. Notice everything wonderful about your spouse, look for the great things about him or her, keep your mind and spirit filled with the fabulous traits and characteristics. Remember, true love is not just those endorphins but it is about deep care and closeness.

5. Share yourself. This is not easy but very important, perhaps essential for true intimacy and love. A truly loving and intimate relationship requires sharing oneself with your partner. It means risking, opening up, being vulnerable. It means a couple share their hearts with each other. Without this sharing, a relationship may be comfortable but it is not the intimate loving relationship that may be what you are looking for.

And just for fun... one more thing! Enjoy thrilling times together. The same chemicals that create sexual attraction and bonding during sex are the ones that flood our systems during times of extreme excitement. For example, sky diving, riding a roller coaster, or bungee jumping! IOW, thrilling experiences are an aphrodisiac! (This is not about love but it is a fun little way to spark some passion).

A final thought. Proceed into the relationship with the expectation that you will revive the relationship. Hold the truth in your heart that your relationship can indeed be vibrant, healthy, fulfilling, and wildly loving!

Again, true love is not just the endorphins floating through our system.

Real love is much more than this.

I guarantee you that you can absolutely revive your relationship if you do the work.



*Please note, this post is directed toward relationships that are unhealthy but NOT those that are experiencing more difficult issues like spousal abuse that require professional assistance for healing.