Forgiveness and Intimacy

Forgiveness

Forgiving another may be one of the most difficult of all activities.

Forgiveness may also be one of the most highly evolved of human emotions.

It is also, one of the most important traits in a healthy relationship.

The universe has an amazing ability to remember. It is as if the very essence of existence and life itself is memory. The very way life is able to continue is through memory. And in the human, without memory we would vanish overnight. It is deeply embedded into our brains, our bodies, and our very DNA.

And yet, even with this deep seated and remarkable ability for memory, in the human we have found a way to deal with our remebered emotions and hurt. We can deal with these in such a way that even if we remember horrific pain and sorrow, we can release the hurt and replace it with growth, compassion, and deeper love.

I find this astounding.

Let me expound a bit. We have evolved to recognize pain and to hold that memory very powerfully in our bodies and minds. This ability is to help us survive and stay away from anything harmful or painful. It is an extraordinary ability and again, what has kept life going.

And even with this, we can overcome it. We can consciously come to a place where we do not hold onto the pain. We have the ability to forgive, or to put the pain behind us.

How did we develop this amazing ability to forgive?

I think it is through compassion and love. Humans have come to understand that we all make mistakes. We all struggle and make decisions that may hurt another. We have all done things we regret. And, we hope others will help us on our journey, forgive us of our mistakes, and give us another chance.

It is as if, when the awareness came to us that life is about learning and growing, and that we each struggle with the process, we found a way to allow for mistakes knowing it is through our mistakes that we learn and grow.

And so, we found a way to bring forgiveness into this experience we call life.

Now, does this mean there are not times when we need to move on? Does this mean we should not take precautions to be safe? Does this mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of or repeatedly harmed? No, of course not.

What it does mean is that, we all make mistakes. We all struggle as we embark on our journey of life. We stumble, we fall, and we often need help to get back on track.

When we desire a long term healthy relationship, it is important to keep in mind this amazing ability we each have to forgive. It helps to remember that there are important reasons why humans have this trait and to recognize the significant of the choice we have to hold onto anger and hurt or, when appropriate, to let it go as we embrace more compassion and understanding.

As we come to really understand what a gift it is to be able to forgive, we may find a new strength and love unlike anything we have known or thought possible.



Please understand, and let me repeat, forgiveness doesn't mean that we allow ourselves to be harmed nor does it mean we don't take precautions to be safe and healthy.