
Ever wonder why women need attention? Do you find this emotional need frustrating? Does it seem silly?
There is a very strong evolutionary purpose for women needing attention. Perhaps if this need were better understood, couples would be more comfortable with it.
A few million years ago, our primate ancestors were developing their sexual strategies... or how they would best get their DNA passed on for future generations. Of course they were not consciously thinking about a stategy but it was certainly the essence of behavior and existence.
Some females (those who ended up having a better strategy), discovered that if they could mate with a male who would stay around, they would have protection, investment in their offspring, and even additional food.
But how does do primates, without written or oral language figure out who would stick around or not? They look for signs or clues.
The males who were attentive, and could show or express in some way their desire to stick around were the males the females would trust and with whom they would mate. Those males who did not show attention, were less likely to find a long term partner who would want to mate with them.
Females became highly instinctively sensitive to these attentiveness clues. If a male was attentive, she would mate with him. If he was not, she would not.
Today, we have language which can be used to express devotion and attention so men can verbally express their feelings and emotions. But the underlying need for attention and devotion is still operating in humans.
It is important to remember that there is a very clear and powerful instictual reason why women must feel important and loved in a relationship prior to engaging in physical intimacy.
Rather than fight women's instintive need for attention, why not submit to it. It will only improve the relationship!







9 comments:
With evolution, the demands have gone higher. And an easy submission is also taken as negative sign in this century.
Improving a relationship has taken a deeper meaning than just sticking around and caring. Basic instincts are still same, though.
Rather than fight women's instintive need for attention, why not submit to it.
This fight is a filter between who truly care and those who are being casual. It's for good. Not everyone should be expected to show perfect traits of caring and loving person, otherwise it will make identification of good vs bad much tougher.
Hi Nahualt...
Thank you for this. You are sooooo right! Yes, evolution has brought us something more than just reproduction. We want love, meaning, purpose, happiness. Relationships are more than just a means for the continuation of our DNA.
I have never thought about the idea that it may not be the best for everyone to display the traits of caring and loving. You are right that they are identifying traits. Perhaps the foundational idea is that we can all move to be more loving and caring. Then the traits would be genuine.
Very interesting thoughts... thank you for expanding my mind!
jennifer
I really enjoy your blog, so I created a link to your blog on mine. Hope you not mind it.
This was a powerful message, I like the simplicity of it.
I think modern culture wouldn't apply to early humans though, culture moves at an extremely higher pace than physical evolution, and the ideas of courtship, love, and especially monogamy simply don't apply to humans of primal cultures.
Having many partners is just as beneficial to a creature's survival, just in different ways.
Are you serious? This is PURE speculation - there is no proof this is how men & women interacted at any point in history.
Hi Amy,
Thanks for your comments.
While of course we don't have DVDs of everything that occurred throughout human history, we do have some amazing research.
We have extensive studies of virtually every known human society in the world, studies of numerous indiginous peoples, studies of other species (many birds and our closest relatives, African chimps and bonobos) with similar mating patterns and strategies, and extensive research from anthropologists on various sexual strategies throughout human prehistory and history.
No we don't have absolute proof of much in the past but we do have a good working understanding of evolution and human sexual strategies.
Warm regards,
Jennifer
Note to the Author: I am wondering, if your theory is correct, if you could explain why women are generally attracted, at least initially, to guys that play "hard to get" or guys that are "bad boys" etc. I have noticed in my experience of 25 years (don't laugh) that in the initial stages of dating the more I play hard to get and NOT pay attention to the person, the more success I have with women. Of course, your theory of "needing attention" during the later stages of a relationship are definitely true. The question is, then, if it is evolutionary, why wouldn't women be INITIALLY attracted to men that pay them more attention? I am very curious as to your response. Email me: krotzersol@gmail.com
Hi Solomon,
Great question! Thanks for asking!
OK, here is my guess! (smile)
If a guy was "too" into a woman in the very intitial stage of interaction, it could (subconsciously) indicate that a guy might be the type who is out to mate with every available female; IOW, a guy who is not interested in a long term relationship but just needing a quick fix! ;-) For some women who are desiring an invested relationship, an extremely demonstrative and attentive man (again in the very early stage of interaction) could be a red flag.
OTOH, there may be something in our DNA that tells (some) women that a guy who is not going to be with any woman who comes along, would be a better long term partner and may invest more in her and her offspring!
It is all quite fascinating no?
The mating rituals of our species are sort of funny when we step back and observe them! :-)
Thanks again for asking Solomon!
Warmest wishes to you,
Jen
I like your answer and it definitely makes sense. As I was sitting here I also thought of one other potential explanation.
I think the attraction a woman feels to a man that is not paying that much attention to her may be rooted in a conflicting evolutionary progression. While a woman's mating rituals are definitely designed to attract a mate that will stay with her, there is a conflicting evolutionary "urge" to get the best genes for her children. The best genes no doubt will be found in those men that are pursued by the most women (George Clooney comes to mind...most women would sleep with him even if they knew he would be gone the next day).
This presents an interesting evolutionary conflict - on the one hand a woman needs a man to stay with her so that her kids will have a better chance of survival, on the other hand if they get weak genes it doesn't really matter how much protection they have they will still die off. (weak genes =sickly, short and skinny men..would you sleep with Danny Devito even if he paid a lot of attention to you?)
So how do women cope with this conflict? One theory is that back in the day women would mate with the stronger men, and then find a weaker man to be their "partner."
You can see this conflict playing out in the modern day world as well, as was indicated by my initial question - it also drives women crazy because for the most part the men they are most attracted to are the ones least likely to want to be with only them!
Anyways this has been an interesting distraction from work...take care!
Post a Comment