The Stages of Love: Infatuation and Attachment

Are you "in love" with your partner? Are you infatuated? Hooked on Romance? Feeling a deep sense of love?

There are two distinct stages of a romantic relationship. The first is the "falling in love," or the infatuation phase... that intense euphoria of attraction. The second phase is the "attachment" phase that is often less intense but much more comfortable and satisfying.

Lets discuss each one and why it is important in human mating and long term relationships.

The infatuation, or "falling in love," stage is intense. We've all been there. We know what it feels like to be obsessed with someone. We can't stop thinking about him, we daydream, we can't sleep, we take risks, we laugh, we talk, we are "etherized by bliss".

What is happening to us? What is really going on in our brains when we "fall in love"?

Simplistically, it all starts with a small molecule called Plenylethylamine or PEA. This is the substance in the brain that is responsible for feelings of elation, exhilaration, and euphoria. PEA is also a natural amphetamine with the potential to stimulate the brain.

When we feel this intense sense of love or infatuation, our limbric system is being saturated with PEA and other brain chemicals such a norepinephrine and dopamine.

This feeling of being in love, or infatuation is powerful, pleasurable, and has evolved to keep our species procreating. It is that magnetic sense of needing to be with another, nature developed to make sure offspring would exist and our species would continue.

But something happens... our physical bodies cannot sustain that intense emotion and onslaught of neurochemicals for long periods of time. Research suggests this feeling of intense romance in humans usually lasts between eighteen months and three years.

Then comes the attachment phase of love. This sense of deep love feels peaceful, comfortable, soothing, secure, and warm. As infatuation fades, attachment grows. New chemicals saturate the brain; endorphins similar to an opiate. These chemicals calm the mind, reduce anxiety, and provide a sense of peace.

Scientists suggest these chemicals provide in each partner a sense of safety, stability, and tranquillity.

Again, this stage of love is very important for our species. Unlike most animals, in humans, offspring survive best with care and support from two parents. Attachment, or deep love, is an amazing evolutionary invention to keep partners together because our species needs the bonding and concern for one another that comes with the attachment of love.

While the infatuation stage is very clear with a beginning and an end, the attachment phase can last a lifetime. It potentially grows stronger and deeper over the years. Deep love when nurtured, often brings humans a sense of joy, peace, and care unlike any other emotion.

It is beneficial to recognize our feelings, notice our responses, and understand the dynamics of love. It may help one's relationship to be aware of the changes that accompany a long term relationship.